My new series is all about I am. You can let others define you, or you can create your own definition. Through Gods word!

My pastor asked a question at bible study, How do I not be bitter and walk around angry after all I’ve been through?

The power of forgiveness.

If I want to be forgiven I have to forgive. 

My coworkers like to see my smiling face. Sometimes they think, like men are apt to think, that a smiling face or a kind gesture means interest. After all I’ve been through with men, I really don’t like them. I like people based on how they treat others, or me even when they don’t think I’m interested. Or how they treat people who can’t do anything for them, and they can’t get any recognition for what they do. Anyway, I am kind. Not because I want something. I am loving not because I want a man. I smile not because I want attention. I get that with the mean face, being asked to smile often. I am just enjoying the love God has given me through His Son, my Lord and Savior.

So. At work. I’ve had a few offers of friendship or something more. But, I’m no longer willing to be distracted from Gods assignment for my life. So here’s a guy getting on my bus. And in my mind I see his attraction and I’m like oh no not again. Another wolf, Lord? Waiting to break me down so they can pretend to be my friend and then trying to hug me inappropriately, or the ones trying to kiss me. So they can keep breaking barriers down until they get me to compromise my stance with abstinence. My stance with this sacrificial life I’ve committed to.

So. I’m keeping my distance. Because I’m truly tired. I only try to be close to men who have shown they are not interested in me so I can get a break. I can have the interaction with men my tomboy inside of me wants, just homies joe, without having somebody liking on me. See before being saved I spent little to no time single. I digress. And then. This coworker gets on my bus the last time. And trying with friendly banter he’s coming for my bag of healthy goodies. 

Calling me selfish for not sharing with him. And I explain I share with whom The Lord asks me to. 

And then he quotes bible. Now he’s got my attention. If you speaking my Saviors words, who is the word, you can get my attention. Even it’s only a season to teach me something. Because even still I’m discerning. The enemy knows the word of God too.

So he gives me the how many times must I forgive scripture.

70 x 7.

Can you imagine. Being in the middle of a Chicago city block. Someone grabbing you from behind, snatching you to the ground, and by the time you get to a place where you can get back up the police are behind you threatening to taze you. And the one who is the other half of the child whom you’re still nursing is signing papers, lying. And the police which watched the whole melee is lying too. Sending you places where benches are cold, and county workers keep doors locked.

I’m a revolutionary. I see change in people that come into my life. So I keep bail money on deck. Just in case. So sitting time isn’t long, but paper that has to be spent to win an unnecessary case is. 

But. Can you imagine a couple of years later, loving on and hugging the one who attacked you and inviting them to your church? 

Not out of fear. I’m strong as oxen. My legs have in the past pressed more than 300 pounds.

But in obedience to God.

Can you imagine a best friend lying next to you, with the only man you’ve ever wanted to marry. And then you smell. Their intimate moment. 

But years later forgiveness allows you to have this very same friend be one of the closest people in your life for the toughest time in your life. And then you get a chance to let God use you later after that to encourage that person through a hard time. 

Last year, I had a sister call the police on me. We had a divider coming in the middle of our relationship. The night before church we had heated exchange. But if you ask me to get you for church I’m still getting you for church. So I go. And then. Instead of communicating her wishes to cut our ties she brings the police to do so. No worries. Goodbye. 

And then. After she finally joins the church I am trying to bring her to. A year later we cry and reunite. We fall back into sisterhood and I receive the apology I never needed. I love anyway because I am.

Forgiven.

I am forgiven. So I forgive others.

I am forgiving.

There are people I see. Walking in the spirit of offense. Because of what someone said, or what they did. But that’s against the mind and word of Christ. If I am to be like Jesus I have to forgive even when I don’t want to, because my flesh is constantly in conflict with my spirit.

I walk into forgiveness. And I keep forgiveness in my interactions with others because if I am presenting my body a living sacrifice to God that includes my mind. And my memory that holds onto offending behaviors. 

So. Releasing. And letting go. Is good for me. It creates a stress free life. And I do it through Christ Jesus who gives me strength. Because…

I am forgiving.

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