I wrote a song the other day.
Lyrics go like this.
He got me out here like little cease/hot and ready/ but i aint that type of woman/so i say no when he say lemme/ lemme get in lemme get a piece a dat/lemme get in/lemme get a piece a dat/lemme get in/lemme get a piece a dat/ lemme get in/ lemme get a piece a dat
And so it goes into song.
Its my silliness at best. But its truth combined with foolery. They couldnt take the real me so I just give measured doses!
This man though. This guy.
Had me like whoa! Remember Black Rob. Like whoa!!
I kept asking my body why was it betraying me like it was. Stomach competing for a spot with the Jesse White tumblers, flipping and what not.
How dare you body.
I am too grown to be having a crush.
Anyway, think I will stop there. No need for the extra toppings on this pizza my big mouth would love to share.
See. Its something about breezy summertime weather that turns me into something else.
My sis described it best. “I don’t know what it is about you and the summer turning you into this hot something or other!”
I don’t either. But i just keep screaming. Fix it Jesus.
I love how people sit with their hands folded, posture all straight like “oh yes lawdy. Since the Lord came in my desires went out.”
I don’t know that story. I know. I went a little more than a decade giving my body what it wanted when it wanted. Calling people at late hours. Doing who, when, and what. Adverbs.
And now my body is acting like it hates me!
I be feeling like Jasmine Sullivan more than I’m looking like her these days. Boy i need you bad.
So what do i do? As cliche as it sounds i call on Jesus. Please Lord come help me. Take these thorns. I know now i am a rose. I have a whole lotta thorns. And he lets me know like He told Paul. His grace and mercy is sufficient. The Holy Spirit comes through and calms me down and gives me a way of escape. The man that had me going was kind enough to ignore enough good morning texts to help me get my body under control. Because there is no way I can be interested in someone who shows no interest, or disregards my feelings by paying no attention to the friend love I am showing with simple, good morning, encouraging, go out and conquer the world texts.
I value my worth.
This walk is not easy. But if it was would I make sure to stay close to my Savior? Probably not. I would think I could do something on my own I was never designed to.
He said lean not on my own understanding but in everything I do seek his face.
I am here. I am knocking Lord.
See everytime I fall back into old patterns I’m like Ri Ri navy and what not making Same ole Mistakes. Falling for sailors who can’t seem to dock their ships and keep them at bay. But always in the wind somewhere. And for some reason when Rae Rae pop out she likes to jump on the backs of men standing 6’3. Holding on for dear life, snatching chains and running. It seems melees I get into are never really normal after interacting with men outside of Gods arrangement.
They should probably Michael Jackson me and leave me alone. Or do right bruh.
So. Yes. Hot and ready. Dude said but sometimes you gotta take the pizza out the box and eat it. Nah. This pizza going back in the oven. Back in the fire. I don’t want it back out until its ready to be tested coming forth pure as gold.
Its insanity and cliche to do the same thing over and over expecting different results.
See all things change. Even Lil Cease use to hang with Lil Kim and Lord knows she dont look nothing like she used to.
I can change too. Inwardly. With Gods grace and mercy. He saw my broken areas that kept getting shattered dealing with people who just wanted to come in and invade my treasure, steal the goods and leave me picking up the pieces.
The word for this year is celibacy. Continued celibacy. I never would have made it but the Lord keeps on making a way!
I am thankful for the change.