Peace Pettiness

I was 12 the first time i was betrayed by a woman. 

I wrote a poem to my crush who could sing his hind parts off,  and my friend gave him the poem. I was too nervous to. She also took credit for it.

I couldn’t believe her.

But she was my friend right?

The next one used to tell me how pretty my mother was. She would go on to ask why didn’t I look like her?

Oh. My mom’s pretty, but I am not?

I was 15. I thought I was getting my first kiss. I thought he had just made it official. We were “going together”.

As long as my momma didn’t find out.

She would have had me before the Jehovah’s Witness elders fast and in a hurry like she did years later when she found my BC.

Anyway. As I was walking back to behind the garage where I left this boy with my friend who always implied I wasn’t so attractive, i heard something.

They are kissing.

Who said that? I wondered. As i peeped over the gate to see. But they were far apart.  Crazy me. Thinking the worst about people. Not knowing that was the Holy Spirit speaking to me back then.

Anyway. Days or weeks later the boy who went to church on occasion told me the truth. The Jehovah’s Witness girl kept that secret strong. 

My friend though. 

Years later. That very same friend did all she could to turn my family’s back on me. Thank God for that. I might be the same woman i used to be had i started around the people who encouraged me to be foolish. and never held me accountable for my behavior.

I always give people the freedom to be without making them pay for the sins of others.

So when I moved to the east coast I had a best friend there.
She did a similar form of betrayal I experienced at 15. But worse. 

Then a friend I called my sister did some of the worst things anyone could ever do.

I heard that same voice tell me she didn’t like me.

I called her. I told her, the Holy Spirit just told me you don’t like me. 

She said, “I don’t.”

Then began to explain something equally as ludicrous as to why. 

I noticed that these women would engage in opportunities for pettiness. I would shake it off like i am just being too over dramatic.

No. When God speaks he wants us to listen. When he shows us someone. Believe them. Then pray to God for their change. Then love them in spite of.

Women throw shade for so many reasons.  Some of the major ones are men and insecurity. 

When I dealt with a cheater every pretty woman was a problem. He liked pretty women. He had hurt me repeatedly with a pretty woman. I didn’t even know why I didn’t like the beautiful women I came in contact with. My spirit couldn’t be honest with myself to say that his behavior had caused insecurity to creep in. Which then introduced me to jealousy. So I could celebrate certain types of beauty. The beauty that he would probably reject. But. The beauty that I may have seen him staring at a little bit too long, or reminded me of someone he was unfaithful to me with, I shunned.

But. People have made up these stories about who I am. Since no one knows me and they maketend like they have it all together, they become the credible source. 

Not accepting that it may be them. 

Pastor said at bible study last night, “God can’t heal can’t heal a lie.”

I had to be honest with myself. I want real meaningful and lasting relationships. Not just the ones I had before the hurt came. But new ones as I build trust past betrayal.

I don’t have time to love and leave. I don’t care to love and lose anymore.

When God shows me. I will believe and love and pray for that person from a good distance.

And once they are better we can come back together. If God took away my pain. If I can love and talk to those who betrayed me in my past because they chose to heal from their hurt and grow. Then, I know God will do it for those who diligently seek him for the healing.

Dear pettiness,

Thank you for taking space in the hearts of many. I surely know how to recognize you. I definitely know how to avoid you. Pettiness at the expense of others is like anger used to hurt someone. I use anger to fuel my passions. I only use pettiness to poke fun at those who are celebrities and do silly things when i need good laughter. 

So you, petty behavior, may have tried to get me going. You may have tried to upset me. But i will not let you close to me again. When you use a woman who is better at pretending she is alright as opposed to going to get help to make her better, i am going to see you every time.

No thank you. 

You can’t come into my circle. You will never be wanted or accepted amongst us who just want to see others be better and willing to do better.

Peace pettiness. You just lost this one.

Sincerely,

Radiance J.

Dear Super hero Cape

Dear Superhero Cape,

I’ve been the storm, so I’ve been in the storm a long time. 

Because of that I am so quick to run to the rescue of my fellow storm mates. 

Oh you. Trouble in your relationships. Let me tell you. .. Help you… Open the doors to my place for you.

Oh you. Trouble in your finances. I only have a dollar, but I can give you a quarter. Now I don’t have the money to pay what I need because that dollar was supposed to cover it. But…

Emotional issues? I was always a wreck. I used to hide behind make-up and hair extensions. Long lashes and fancy nails. Not that there has ever been anything wrong with accessorizing ones beauty. However, my purpose was to blind a man with the outer beauty so he could ignore my deepseated issues with self. He could ignore my need for attention. He would ignore my insecurities. He would ignore my deepseated self hatred. The deep seated self hatred that comes from being rejected and abandoned. He would ignore my lack of respect for him because of my lack of respect for self, which would have me creating a home for him before he legally made me his wife.

Yeah. The bags were heavy. So instead of emptying my bag, I would choose to help others carry theirs. Never once have we resolved issues. It seems we just carry these bags to and from situation to situation adding more as we go.

But let me help you so I can avoid helping myself.

Or spiritual issues. I got a scripture to quote. Oh I know so much bible. So let me tell you…

But did I know Jesus? The Father said the only way to get to Him was through Jesus.

It’s like a CEO with the family business. The Father dealt with the rebels in Moses day. He got tired of doing business the way it was. All the burnt offerings. They no longer appeased Him. He talked some things over with His Son. They agreed to let The Son be the perfect redemptive sacrifice. 

Jesus agreed to leave the glory of the heavens. He agreed to be brutalized, beaten, betrayed and lied on just to name a few.

He was abandoned, mistreated and rejected. He told his disciples just to stay up and watch while he prayed. After he fed them, paid their taxes, privided a new life for them and showed them what real love looked and felt like?

Yes.

So The Son, after rising, was given all authority on heaven and earth. 

He runs the family business now. He goes to The Father on our behalf. He understands this fleshly battle with demonic warfare. How we so desperately want to do right, but what we don’t want to do we do, like Apostle Paul.

Oh He knows.

Super hero cape. You wanted me to believe I have the ability to save. When only my savior died so I could have life. 

Oh oh. Then you have the audacity to make others upset with me when they need and I can’t supply. You are really manipulative sometimes. I did not come to save. I came to tell the world who saves. I came to intercede as Jesus intercedes so He can turn to our Father and say look. There is a need to be met. We ready to party in heaven and rejoice. One sinner is ready to turn away, resisting the devil so he will flee.

Not my job superhero cape. Not mine.

See. In finding this relationship with Jesus it’s like any other relationship. I wait for him to show me what I need to do. He speaks His word is koud and clear. Is His spirit big enough to call my spirit to action? 

Oh. Be a vegan you say Lord? Oh cut off so and so, you say Lord? Don’t do what? Call whom?

Obedience is truly better than sacrifice.

So no thank you superhero cape. I have learned to love and accept me. I have shed tears for the girl rejected therefore i dont need to look for acceptance in the clothes I wear (my outer appearance), the car I drive, or the people I connect to. 

I have sat on the couch of a rumored millionaire plenty of times. He is really quiet and humble. And every stack of bread I’ve asked for He went to the bank to give me.

Satan offered Jesus material things. Because thats all He can give. So that stuff doesn’t move me. As long as there are hungry people on the streets a thousand dollar bag won’t ever excite me. 

But Jesus. He gives joy and peace. He gives love and kindness.  He gives healing and healthy abundant life. 

So you can live quietly. A showy display is not necessary when it’s real and you are truly happy.

So superhero cape. I am going to focus on letting Jesus save me. 

Gotta hang you up these days.

Its been a fly ride.

Sincerely,

Radiance J.

Pardon me People Pleasing!

Dear People Pleasing,

It’s so flipping over. The wheels you have carted rolling me in other directions I no longer want any parts of. The tumble weeds that have been tossed in the wind, in my direction, is nothing I want to associate with any more.

It causes people to be phony and fake.

I grew up in a religion that required me to do things for the acceptance and approval of people.

I see that on people now. They feel like if they make someone with influence and power like them they will be instafamous.

Nobody wants to perfect a gift but always want a platform.

People pleasing you almost got me. I almost started shucking and jiving for the powers that be.

I almost gave into your sneaky ways.

I kept reminding myself of the things I was doing that I would eventually need support from the masses for.

Then I remembered, I have never needed to please people when God has always been in control!

When I first made it to UIC people kept telling me to get in contact with my ex-husband. He was the man to know they said. I did not. Not until months later. But if I had he would have introduced me to the summer research program that paid a hefty stipend. And probably told me about the McNair scholars program and used his clout to get me in being so well known on campus. I mean he spent enough time doing my homework when we actually got together that my success would have been linked to what he did for me and not God!

He was never supposed to do those things. God has always been with me.

See people pleasing. I got that internship at Jewel/Osco as a manager in training. But had people pleasing gotten me in the door I wouldn’t have been able to look back and say God did that!

I was the only Af/Am major in the group of marketing and business majors.

And lastly, if I was so interested in being a part of the cliques and joined one by people pleasing at my new place of worship I would never have been able to say God touched my Pastors heart to get him to ask me to share a piece of poetry.

As afraid of the stage as I am. The person who repeatedly got stage fright as a child? Sharing my most intimate moments of defeat? My brutal pain? I was still struggling to share the piece without breaking down in tears?

I said yes because I do not like telling God no.

My stage is the world. I have always gotten my fair share of attention in it.

I don’t need to show my beauty. Carrying on on social media for likes. I will though. Eventually. I would hate for someone to be interested in me for my outer appearance as I feed their desires.

And we wonder why relationships fail. People don’t like each other. They just like how many likes that person gets. They like how the rest of the world perceives their mate. They feel a certain level of importance by having someone who is by the standards of social media, sought after. But they get to know who this person is on the inside and don’t like them much at all.

No. People pleasing. I am done.

I won’t support people who can’t respond to a simple text. Or call when they say they will.

I won’t do it just to get on their good side so they can speak highly of me when they have the power to shift a persons outlook of me. Especially if they are in or close to a person in authority. All in the name of people pleasing.

I rock with integrity and if integrity and a person not cool, I won’t rock with that person!

People pleasing. You think you are slick. Trying to get me to trade my favor with God for favor of men. But men are limited to whom they are connected to! God has no limits.

Jesus is the author and finisher of my faith. He knows the plans he has for me to prosper and not to harm me! I can’t focus on pleasing people and pleasing God. Especially when they want me to do things outside of what God wants me to do! That would make people an idol. And i know how God feels about idolatry!

hahahahaha.

You almost tricked me. But I got up out that jam. And please don’t come around these parts no more. I’m not pleasing people. So I won’t be pleasing you.

good day and be well,

Radiance J

 

Buh Bye Backbiting. Goodnight Gossip!

Dear back biting and gossip,

With y’all nasty, cantankerous, know it all but know nothing but the information thats been given that usually is a half truth. 

Just stop it.

You are causing people to miss out on their blessings.

Oh what a snake you have caused people to become.

I read about a snake once. He talked the original couple out of their home. In a garden. Where they could walk and talk with God all day long and had no worries at all.

I will never trust a snake.

You have made them, back biting and gossip, over look that scripture in Proverbs 6:16. You know. ..

 There are six things the Lordhates,


    seven that are detestable to him:   a person who pours out lies

        and a person who stirs up conflict in the community.

Backbiting. Gossip. I’m only addressing y’all. I will not address the people that you have a hold onto. I will keep peace. Thats my portion from the Lord. But. Y’all so busy working in these people you got them talking about the fact that I told the self proclaimed transgendered hip hip hop diva, i love you. And gave a hug to match the heartfelt confession I gave to Sidney Starr.

I read verse 16-19. It said nothing about detesting showing love to people.  Because I was commanded to love my neighbor as myself. And I know I struggle with a few thorns. The Lord is pruning me now.

Then you got others gossiping about how I won’t make it to my dream destinations. 

They so busy doing detestable things that all the shouting they do in church falls flat as they miss out on Gods blessing by inciting his anger and reaping his judgement that brings punishment. 

Exodus 20:6 

But I lavish unfailing love for a thousand generations on those who love me and obey my commands.

I know I’ve got some issues backbiting and gossip. I need mercy. I will not say another word. I repent. I will indeed shut up.

As much as my flesh wants to respond to gossip and backbiting and wants to talk about, laugh, rejoice over your pain when I was caused pain at your hands I can’t. 

You can not have my blessings. 

We get the same mercy we give to others. And since I seem adept at getting what I want, why would i be anything other than my happy and silly, lovable self. So I extend mercy. I will treat others as I want to be treated! 

I will recover all!

I’ve said my fair share about others. Sowing seeds of discord amongst those who may need each other one day. I never should have.

Oh gossip. You won’t get me again. Backbiting even you will come into subjection to the Lord Jesus to follow his word and stop attacking his people with your behavior. 

Im done. Its official. We can’t be friends anymore. Find time with those who see nothing wrong with the behavior you produce in them. But as for me. I’m not going the places you want me to be anymore.

Sincerely,

Radiance J. 

Darling Doublemindedness. Its over.

I am a perfect juxtaposition with oxymoron like tendencies.

I wake up in the morning.  You dont love me by Gucci Mane blaring. Legs bent in 90 degree angle. Derierre parallele to the ground. As the bass in the song makes my back arch, flex, pop, juke. 

I am a classy chick with ghetto tendencies. I was raised west side of Chicago.  Just because i am a prodigy of the ghetto doesn’t make me a ghetto progeny. My story started there. It has not ended.

But I can’t be who I am not.

I have flown first class flights. Snoozing.  Not caring about upgrades. I have sat at 5 star restaurant’s tables. I have slept in 4 star hotel’s beds. I am unphased.

Material things have never blinded me, fascinated me, or moved me. I’m a kings kid. I been came from royalty.

But this is about my oxymoronic tendencies. 

I’m high/low key ratchet depending on my mood. But i can break down and intellectualize the fact that the propaganda of showing a black disenfranchised man being killed is only to stir up the masses. Creating racial tension. Causing a great divide. To ensure civil unrest in war like times. So the martial law Obama signed for peaceful times can be justified during the times of brutality.

But my twerk go hard.

I can praise and worship making a bigger fool of myself than David.

I love Jesus. But I cuss a lil.

Maybe the funny video i shared on my page that almost made people say they cant be bothered with someone straddling the fence for Jesus was for the young woman mourning a brother whose death will go unattended to by the media. His death was a black on black crime. But The murderers color doesnt have anything to do with her pain. 

All black murderers matter.  

See i was told to be all things to all people. The salt of the earth. I was asked to be light in the midst of darkness. All things to all people so I might win some. 

I was never told to stop being me. I was only told to repent from sin. 

I don’t know what code of law tou follow. But as a follower of Christ I was told to count it all joy. Rejoice, like Paul, during hardships. Maybe if we are more concerned with developing a relationship with God instead of always saying what so and so said, or being concerned with what so and so needs to do. Maybe we can be better off.

    God is not pleased with anyone putting anyone before him when he sent his Son so we could all acess him equally.

    Jesus!

    Jesus life matters.

    He says keep our eyes fixed on him. Not on the things in these troubling times. See I got a cheat sheet about the end times in his word, so I’m never surprised at what is going on in the world.

    Surprise causes anger. Which is a root of pride. Because anger breeds retaliation. And how can one pray and ask God to have his way and be the vigilante He can be when taking vengeance into his own hands when we be so busy facebook pulpiting to pray.

    I was guilty.  I repented. He got me real together quickly. And sent me to see the needs of his people dont stop with media coverage.

    People need the love of God.

    So when. I be me. Don’t worry. Its just me. If you think God isn’t pleased. Pray for me. Don’t break no laws and sin by gossiping about me.

    We will be better.

    I wish we could truly follow Gods laws and deal with murderers the way they did in bible times. The way they did adulteresses the same way. 

    But then let those without sin cast the first stone.

    The bible says a double minded man is unstable in all his ways. How can i be who God created to me, if i keep reverting to fleshly thoughts and behaviors? And how can i go love, help, pray for those God sends me to if i keep doing what i want to do? And how do i become all things to all people if i am always concerned about what the religious sectors say i am supposed to be doing like i cant have my own relationship with God? How can i build a firm foundation if i keep flopping between hate for anyone and love of God. And how can i count it all joy if i am lamenting on Social media?

    I need stability.

    So darling doublemindedness. 

    Its over. I wont battle between caring what people think and trying to be something I’m not. Its okay to be one and the other. I never had to choose.

    But the pretenses and believing i do was always the problem.

    Im done son.

    Sincerely,

    Radiance J.

    Not so thirsty these days : Bye Bye Butterflies 

    ​Dear butterflies, 
    I recognize your futile attempt to get me to come and relive my garnished childhood. 

    I never had time for crushes. I was working. Or home alone. Or knocking on peoples doors declaring the Good News about paradise on earth and whatnot. (Bamboozling others when paradise is not a spiritual paradise in heaven and a natural one on earth. God is specific.  The devil authors confusion) Plus. I was brown in a culture where brown men celebrate fairer skin. I been too sleep to see. But having a light skinned daughter showed me how differently I’ve been treated.

    Dear butterflies.  It felt nice to have a flutter or two because i had some interest. 

    But (insert Beyonce formation fingers here) you!

    And i haven’t forgotten about you. Yes, you, the dude that only grab hold to fair skin women because of the aesthetic threshhold the images on TV won’t let him tear down.

    He looking for comfort and solidarity. But won’t give a brown sister pause. He looks past her beauty because of the images planted in his psyche about fair skinned being better. He doesn’t choose a woman based on how she will build his family, the community, or his suffering spirit. He chooses based on the perceived clout and credibility he gains from finding a mediocre chick gone glamorous. Regardless to what color she is.

    Its ok. When the purge happens. And her makeup is trashed. And her weave is tossed. And she screaming at you to curse God and die like Jobs wife cause she was weak enough to build her worth off of televised images, you gonna be praying for a Sojourner Truth. Truth is Assata Shakur. And truth is you seem better equipped at exiling the black woman way more than our oppressors ever could have.

    But I refuse to create the division. Or perpetuate it. Im just bringing light to it. Does one choose based on the images that have been depicted as right? Or because of what one needs? 

    Anywhoo butterflies. As always my inner self has decieved me. You, butterflies, heard his conscious talk and thought he had inner strength to not give in to the pressure. He can’t even be bothered long enough to show love consistently.

    The strongest bodies have the weakest minds. 

    Soooo Pineapple Crush is my favorite soda.  But I’m officially on a diet. My granddad had a good talk with me day before yesterday.  Im finally ready to stop being so stubborn and let him learn me something.  See. I. Yes me. I have a crush. 😮😮😮

     Lets call it a pineapple soda. 

     So I have a pineapple soda on this guy. And I accidentally ran into him twice in the past 7 days… I was trying to avoid him.  See the way the butterfly war (Alicia Keys style 🎼🎶🎤 you give me butterflyz🎶🎶🎶) is set up in my belly everytime I see him, I know trouble soon follow lbs.

    So. I can’t bring pop (soda) in my home while dieting.  Im trying to steer clear of my pineapple soda while on this no guys allowed year. I guess its a blessing I ran into him. I know exactly where not to be to make sure I dont see him. I just got a few goals to reach.

    I can’t let the butterflies get me distracted.  

    I can’t choose another man who is not made with the strength needed mentally to lead an intelligent and mentally strong woman.

    I will wait. I won’t continually allow my body to make choices for me my mind is going to regret later.

    Its over butterflies. 

    You bet not come back round these parts until you get good at choosin.

    Sincerely, 

    Radiance J.

    Disloyalty’s Departure 

    ​Dear Disloyalty,
    I used to be so angry at people because of your wicked divisive schemes.

    You know.

    Making those I once had a lot of love for turn their backs on me. 

    You know. 

    Making those I once called family use their words to cover me in the hole they threw me in. Burying me. Creating my circumstances with the words God has always said were powerful. 

    I had to fight hard to climb out that hole!

    You know. 

    You had me good there for a minute, disloyalty. Grabbing hold of these people. Putting a noose around their necks. Pretty people saying the ugliest things. Making God detest their actions. Proverbs 6:16 says God detests those creating divisions. 

    You almost had me disloyalty. You almost had me telling all their ugly secrets about them to their face and the faces of everyone who would listen. You almost had me out of favor with God. 

    But I know. God my Father is close to those who are humble. Pride and retaliation almost had me giving into you disloyalty.

    No. Pride. I’ll get you on another day.  Retaliation? I am working on getting you out my system. But your day is coming too!

    Oh disloyalty.

    Did you know you almost had me paying attention to you and those whom you were using. 

    Haha. You so silly! 

    Tricks are for hustlers and pimps.

    Prostitutes. What constitutes a prostitute is the pursuit of profit. Folks always looking to gain something. Maybe they used me as a focus point of their negativity because they wanted to gain favor from those who were ignoring them. Maybe they wanted to compare their wins to my losses to make them feel like they were someone to make them hate their life less. Maybe they wanted to be favored. The favorite. Maybe they wanted to be loved. Maybe they wanted change in exchange for turning me into who they claimed I was. Maybe that’s why they were letting you use them disloyalty.

    Maybe they wanted me to change into a wicked hearted and mean person by using hurt as the shovel to pile all those words of betrayal over my character.

    Guess what disloyalty? 

    The kind and polite young woman who would knock on doors as a child trying to tell people about God was trained to love people who hated and talked about her repeatedly.

    I was trained to still be kind to the mean hearted and ungrateful. Be sweet to those who I came to help but slammed a door in my face.

    I was taught not to gloat about my favor. 

    I was schooled on how to live and love graciously, like a lady. 

    So disloyalty. I don’t rock with you. Even when you send people for me. I won’t resort to your tactics. 

    My mother trained me up in the ways to go as the good word told her to. As I get older I understand why I can’t depart from those ways.

    I never saw my mother gossiping, backbiting, being phony. If she didn’t like you she didn’t like you… It never meant she was hating. She probably, like my spiritual eyes have, saw who a person really was not falling for the deceit of who their masks portrayed them to be. The lies have come undone now. She, my mama, opened her doors to those in need. She fed many. 

    Yes. Disloyalty. I have been given power and authority to trample on snakes like you. So you can’t rock with me no more.

    If a person come back like Peter after denying me it’s on and we cool, and they have denied you disloyalty. But if a person stay away like Judas I will be more than happy to let them hang themselves.

    I aim to be like Christ!

    Well disloyalty. This is where we part ways. You can’t stay. And anybody you use must depart as well.

    I should be thanking you. The holes they threw me in were just used to plant me. In seed form. And the words were fertilizer to make me grow all the way up!

    I have flourished!

    It’s been a ride.

    But it’s over. Tata and goodbye!
    Sincerely,

    Radiance J.

    Dear Freedom

    Dear Freedom,

    Thank you for coming to visit me yesterday. 

    I’ve been longing to make your acquaintance for as long as I have been alive. 

    You met me.

    On the same track I once sat watching my other half play futball on. See I had been bound by the memories I had previously made on that track and was afraid to fly. Because I have taken flight before. The crash was unbearable. The shame was too much. The laughter of those I loved as they relished and watched my demise is still ringing in my ear.

    But you came freedom.

    You came to see about me.

    I break chains all by myself. Beyonce reminded me.

    I once used to smoke a pack of cigarettes daily. But I haven’t had one of those in three and a half years. Not even a puff.

    I used to get faced with a B daily. Solo. Never been one to run in packs. I have this only child thing. I do not always like to share so, I rolled alone.

    I used to spend every dollar. But guess who saved a lot of money by not buying an unecessary new outfit and shoes  for my daughter and I for a holiday. I am holding onto my rainy day funds.

    I used to run until I was mentally tired even though my body could still go a little bit further. However, today I exhausted my body. I felt the pain.

    No pain, no gain.

    I used to say everything I did or intended to do was for my dead mother. But how can I live for the dead and be present for the living? 

    Thank you Freedom for coming to rescue me.

    See I can’t change my history but I can certainly make strides in love to make changes to my present and future.

    I am not bound by the ideas and thoughts of man. I have no limits. Love from God taught me that. He is limitless. He is without boundaries. 

    He has given me power.

    Power to say what I am in Christ and remove sadness, anger, self pity, self loathing, envy, jealousy, lying, hatred, laziness, slothfulness, lust, deviousness, addictions, and unforgiveness.

    Just to name a few.

    And you know what else Freedom? 

    I am finally free from the opinions of others. Andy Mineo said the only time you get validation is when you dont need it.

    Ha ha. I am laughing out loud and living on purpose. 

    You won’t catch me talking about dead ancestors when the ones I have living have defied the odds for a black family. 

    My grandparents have been married for 60 years. As a young woman everytime I called my grandma asking for plane tickets to Chicago she would help me out. I could ask for $500 here, or $1000 there. Then the money was wired before I had a chance to think about it too hard. 

    And even though I can still ask, I choose to walk on freedom by accepting consequences of my actions in life. I ask God for help. Not people. So I go where he sends me. Or I accept what He releases to me via another. I’m free like that to do that right there.

    See Freedom. You showed me by my grandfathers many attempts at owning his own business that whatsoever I put my mind to I can accomplish. 

    I have learned that only those oppressed continue to remind people that they are oppressed.

    Whom the Son sets free is free indeed.

    Thank you Freedom. Thank you for coming to see about me because of this relationship I have with Jesus!

    I never thought you were real. I now know you walk with me. The chains had always been on my mind. They have never been on my physically. Once the mind is free the body has no other choice but to follow.

    You, Freedom, are amazing!

    Love you dearly,

    Radiance J.

    Relationships and shhhh

    I’m quick to tell people these days I’m not dating.

    I’m kinda in this relationship already.

    As usual it’s one sided.

    I long for. Yearn for. Talk to. Lay on. Bearing my all for. Stopping all interactions with others for our sacred time. 

    And just sort of sits there. Lies there. Doesn’t respond. Let’s me bear my weight and just bounces back into place once I leave.

    Dear bed.

    I’ve grown tired of one sided relationships. You definitely, my dear, will be the last. I will use you for your intended purpose and no more. 

    No more lazy naps in the midday. No more pondering moments watching the sun break day, when you just want to keep me stagnant. 

    I should’ve been on the beach somewhere.

    I love you. Dearly. I invested in you, greatly. However, I must move on to the better places of my life that don’t surround you. 

    And use you for your intended purposes only. For regenerating of strength in you only. 

    Gone but never forgotten.

    Love always,

    Radiance J.