​Dear butterflies, 
I recognize your futile attempt to get me to come and relive my garnished childhood. 

I never had time for crushes. I was working. Or home alone. Or knocking on peoples doors declaring the Good News about paradise on earth and whatnot. (Bamboozling others when paradise is not a spiritual paradise in heaven and a natural one on earth. God is specific.  The devil authors confusion) Plus. I was brown in a culture where brown men celebrate fairer skin. I been too sleep to see. But having a light skinned daughter showed me how differently I’ve been treated.

Dear butterflies.  It felt nice to have a flutter or two because i had some interest. 

But (insert Beyonce formation fingers here) you!

And i haven’t forgotten about you. Yes, you, the dude that only grab hold to fair skin women because of the aesthetic threshhold the images on TV won’t let him tear down.

He looking for comfort and solidarity. But won’t give a brown sister pause. He looks past her beauty because of the images planted in his psyche about fair skinned being better. He doesn’t choose a woman based on how she will build his family, the community, or his suffering spirit. He chooses based on the perceived clout and credibility he gains from finding a mediocre chick gone glamorous. Regardless to what color she is.

Its ok. When the purge happens. And her makeup is trashed. And her weave is tossed. And she screaming at you to curse God and die like Jobs wife cause she was weak enough to build her worth off of televised images, you gonna be praying for a Sojourner Truth. Truth is Assata Shakur. And truth is you seem better equipped at exiling the black woman way more than our oppressors ever could have.

But I refuse to create the division. Or perpetuate it. Im just bringing light to it. Does one choose based on the images that have been depicted as right? Or because of what one needs? 

Anywhoo butterflies. As always my inner self has decieved me. You, butterflies, heard his conscious talk and thought he had inner strength to not give in to the pressure. He can’t even be bothered long enough to show love consistently.

The strongest bodies have the weakest minds. 

Soooo Pineapple Crush is my favorite soda.  But I’m officially on a diet. My granddad had a good talk with me day before yesterday.  Im finally ready to stop being so stubborn and let him learn me something.  See. I. Yes me. I have a crush. 😮😮😮

 Lets call it a pineapple soda. 

 So I have a pineapple soda on this guy. And I accidentally ran into him twice in the past 7 days… I was trying to avoid him.  See the way the butterfly war (Alicia Keys style 🎼🎶🎤 you give me butterflyz🎶🎶🎶) is set up in my belly everytime I see him, I know trouble soon follow lbs.

So. I can’t bring pop (soda) in my home while dieting.  Im trying to steer clear of my pineapple soda while on this no guys allowed year. I guess its a blessing I ran into him. I know exactly where not to be to make sure I dont see him. I just got a few goals to reach.

I can’t let the butterflies get me distracted.  

I can’t choose another man who is not made with the strength needed mentally to lead an intelligent and mentally strong woman.

I will wait. I won’t continually allow my body to make choices for me my mind is going to regret later.

Its over butterflies. 

You bet not come back round these parts until you get good at choosin.

Sincerely, 

Radiance J.

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