I am a perfect juxtaposition with oxymoron like tendencies.

I wake up in the morning.  You dont love me by Gucci Mane blaring. Legs bent in 90 degree angle. Derierre parallele to the ground. As the bass in the song makes my back arch, flex, pop, juke. 

I am a classy chick with ghetto tendencies. I was raised west side of Chicago.  Just because i am a prodigy of the ghetto doesn’t make me a ghetto progeny. My story started there. It has not ended.

But I can’t be who I am not.

I have flown first class flights. Snoozing.  Not caring about upgrades. I have sat at 5 star restaurant’s tables. I have slept in 4 star hotel’s beds. I am unphased.

Material things have never blinded me, fascinated me, or moved me. I’m a kings kid. I been came from royalty.

But this is about my oxymoronic tendencies. 

I’m high/low key ratchet depending on my mood. But i can break down and intellectualize the fact that the propaganda of showing a black disenfranchised man being killed is only to stir up the masses. Creating racial tension. Causing a great divide. To ensure civil unrest in war like times. So the martial law Obama signed for peaceful times can be justified during the times of brutality.

But my twerk go hard.

I can praise and worship making a bigger fool of myself than David.

I love Jesus. But I cuss a lil.

Maybe the funny video i shared on my page that almost made people say they cant be bothered with someone straddling the fence for Jesus was for the young woman mourning a brother whose death will go unattended to by the media. His death was a black on black crime. But The murderers color doesnt have anything to do with her pain. 

All black murderers matter.  

See i was told to be all things to all people. The salt of the earth. I was asked to be light in the midst of darkness. All things to all people so I might win some. 

I was never told to stop being me. I was only told to repent from sin. 

I don’t know what code of law tou follow. But as a follower of Christ I was told to count it all joy. Rejoice, like Paul, during hardships. Maybe if we are more concerned with developing a relationship with God instead of always saying what so and so said, or being concerned with what so and so needs to do. Maybe we can be better off.

    God is not pleased with anyone putting anyone before him when he sent his Son so we could all acess him equally.


    Jesus life matters.

    He says keep our eyes fixed on him. Not on the things in these troubling times. See I got a cheat sheet about the end times in his word, so I’m never surprised at what is going on in the world.

    Surprise causes anger. Which is a root of pride. Because anger breeds retaliation. And how can one pray and ask God to have his way and be the vigilante He can be when taking vengeance into his own hands when we be so busy facebook pulpiting to pray.

    I was guilty.  I repented. He got me real together quickly. And sent me to see the needs of his people dont stop with media coverage.

    People need the love of God.

    So when. I be me. Don’t worry. Its just me. If you think God isn’t pleased. Pray for me. Don’t break no laws and sin by gossiping about me.

    We will be better.

    I wish we could truly follow Gods laws and deal with murderers the way they did in bible times. The way they did adulteresses the same way. 

    But then let those without sin cast the first stone.

    The bible says a double minded man is unstable in all his ways. How can i be who God created to me, if i keep reverting to fleshly thoughts and behaviors? And how can i go love, help, pray for those God sends me to if i keep doing what i want to do? And how do i become all things to all people if i am always concerned about what the religious sectors say i am supposed to be doing like i cant have my own relationship with God? How can i build a firm foundation if i keep flopping between hate for anyone and love of God. And how can i count it all joy if i am lamenting on Social media?

    I need stability.

    So darling doublemindedness. 

    Its over. I wont battle between caring what people think and trying to be something I’m not. Its okay to be one and the other. I never had to choose.

    But the pretenses and believing i do was always the problem.

    Im done son.


    Radiance J.


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