No more distractions 

I got this email. A young woman came into my life, dark and broken a couple of years ago. She decided she no longer wanted to associate with me. But her stuff was heavy. Everytime she got free from something she went right back to those she was supposed to stay away from to gain strength. She had difficulty being honest. She said she had never been rejected, but her mother wouldn’t raise her, allowed her to be placed in the system and many times would shut her off again in her adult life. She even was prideful. Sometimes she would do hurtful things to me and justify her behavior.  Like when she called the police on me and i was only at her house to pick her up for church. She justified it by saying, “Well people in my past…”. 

I am not the people in her past though. I had dealt with her disrespect many days trying to encourage her and recognizing things in her that God had allowed me to overcome.  But when a person won’t be honest with their own self, they don’t know how to be honest with you.

I am not a counselor. Just a person allowing God to move through me from time to time. And those that suffer from mental health issues needs to address those things with a professional.  

You can most assuredly catch me practicing what I preach.

So. She sends me this email. She lets me know she will no longer be contacting me.

I almost started running in praise. I heard God speak and say the assignment was over. Then she confirmed it. I was overjoyed.

She seemed to be upset because I did not want to join her new founded prayer line.

Let me see your fruit.

She has never popped into my life when I was going  through despair. It was always the other way around. She never prayed for me and I got a breakthrough. In fact when I would pray with her before on the phone with a couple of sisters, things in my life went from bad to worse. All that tells me is that isn’t for me. But praise God that He has some people who will benefit from her testimony. Her assignments. Her life. Her love. 

It just isn’t me. 

I asked God. Then I asked a couple of my mature sisters in Christ, and the Naomi to my Ruth. 

It was all a nay.

Besides. She doesn’t talk to me. And if I am sitting in arms reach of her when Pastor says touch your neighbor, these days, she won’t touch me as her neighbor.

But. I have prayed for. Picked up. Cooked for. Read poetry to. Encouraged. Loved on. Spoke life to help her get to the new life I have found. But you can’t talk to or touch.

I set boundaries.

If I have encouraged you to reach your goals and I say I want to be a size 2. Encourage me. Find examples on the internet of other women who have done the same. Don’t tell me the Lord said I shouldn’t be so hard on my self. And then ask me why would I want to be that size and be like everyone else. No. That’s your size. You don’t want me to be your size?

But like I said. People that have a hard time being honest with self will not be honest with me. Then lie on God. On my vegan journey she gave me something to eat that was not vegan because it had honey in it. But the Holy Spirit is leading? Needing deliverance is a real necessity these days. Especially when having gone through and doing some of the most vile things while a soldier in satan’s army before becoming a warrior for Christ.

I recognize this in myself. And for others. But pride will make one think nothing is wrong at all.

So when I say don’t give me direction on losing weight when you’ve been small all your life, respect my wishes. Or not to tell me to do something in contrast with what I have heard God tell me to do. Especially when this person is living in disobedience everytime i come around her. 

Whose voice are you really listening to?

Or when I say don’t lift my name on your prayer line. Is this to feed her ego. As she tells others that I am xyz, but watch how I lift her name anyway. Or she is praying out of the will of God for me because she isn’t hearing him clearly, needs deliverance, or is operating in the flesh and not in the spirit; i don’t want that type of warfare for my life right now. I am catching my breath to fight the enemy. Not my sisters or brothers in Christ.

Why can’t people respect my wishes. If a person is sincere about praying for me they will pray in their prayer closets. Not all out in public like the Sadducees and Pharisees. Looking for man to applaud instead of seeking Gods favor. 

He says love him and love your neighbor. And love holds no record of wrong. So living in offense isn’t love. And if you are allowing offense to take over an interaction with a brother or sister then love is not a strong point. And if you can’t love me how can you pray the will of God for me?

Manupulation. Is a tactic of witches. Manipulating the will of God to be changed to their will.

So. When I tell her it sounds demonic that she can pray for me, but can’t speak to me, she replies… 

Demonic attacks.. any you are experiencing not from me I am not a witch. I do not appreciate those accusations. As they are false and unfounded based purely on your personal thoughts and nothing else.

I never said or implied. I said. To me it feels demonic. (like a spirit of darkness) It is like the devil would use someone to say they want to pray for me. But can’t even talk to me. Its not that I block her or shun her. I just set boundaries to which she does not comply, makes direct attacks and then she has claimed makes me confrontational.

People do a lot of awful things to me these days. I do not go to them with these things. I pray to my Father in heaven and watch them get dealt with. She even came back and tokd me how awful her life was after she called the police on me, but I didn’t get angry. I was elevated for forgiving her and still loving her as God asked me to do.

It’s my life. I will feel safe in itdoI wondered though what would make her feel, I believe she is a witch?

I don’t tell that to people I believe practice that sort of life. I share my own lifes experiences with them hoping they seek God and find freedom from dark art practices.

Well I didn’t believe.  But now I wonder. 

Because there are many women who have been in my life hoping to take me off the course God has set for my life. One went to psychics to get spells. They lie. They manipulate. They cause drama and distress. They turn the hearts of others against me. They are a distraction, coming to take my focus off the King of kings and Lord of lords. Their mouths produce blessings and curses. So if they are cursing me, are they witch like?

All I know is nothing. I have asked God to lead me. And He hasn’t let me down yet. I used to be involved in some things that were detestable before the Lord and he forgave me. I used to be confrontational. Now I seek and pursue peace. I am living to do things proper and in order. That’s probably why I had that poem I recited at my church for a coupke of years before I brought it out. 

God has a plan for me. But when I hear Him say do, and I don’t wait for his timing I create problems for my life that would not have come any other time. 

The bible says plans fail for lack of advisors. If I don’t get direction and wisdom for a walk i never walked, I will stumble and fall. And if I throw away everyone God sends to help me I don’t get to have a Naomi to my Ruth. A Paul to my Timothy. A Moses to my Joshua. And I in turn would have never learned how to cultivate and maintain these relationships to then have others to sow into. 

Like the young woman who turned her back to me.

But I am grateful. Some assignments are only fulfilled because of my love for God. 

Some of those assignments become sisters who become friends. Who turn up with me. Who teach me snapchats. Who have been in my life for years. 

I am blessed.

I never needed anyone. But God. But he places people in my life who will love, value and respect me and the anointing on my life.

So good bye distractions. I never needed anyone to take me off focus. But I allowed a couple to do so. Now I know how to snap back, and delete old stories like snap chat.

It’s been real. But I’m out.


Relationship Goals

I was in a relationship with a man who loved me once.

He was a friend before I knew he was into me. So I let my guards down.

See friends were always just that. My longest standing friend has been riding with me for 35 years. Literally. He used to ride my back as a baby. We used to sip lean and blow trees in bathrooms letting Lil Wayne fade into our backgrounds. We even slept in same rooms together. He on the floor. Me, in my XL twin bed.

My dorm roommate didn’t seem to mind.

All these close proximities and we have never so much as held hands. Or seen each other in our swimsuits, let alone anything less.

We have been just friends. Only friends. Integrity.

So friendship was a safe place.

A safe place for love to brew. Seasoned and marinated to perfection like a stew.

He loved me.

Someone recently posted that single people always have something to say about relationships. I do. I’ve done. And at that youngsters age I had a lot going for me. Including a happy relationship with my friend.

We traveled together. Gave expensive gifts. He went from making $6 an hour to $25 in our time span. He became a better man. But I became a better woman!

He once told me.

If you are not happy with me, go. Find your happiness without me. Are you still in love with so & so? Go see of thats what you want. I love you enough to see you happy. Even if that’s without me.

I know love. I had it. I live it. That’s why I recognize the opposite. Or relationships lacking it.

Love does not seek it’s own selfish interest. It does not do, looking for reciprocity. We’ve allowed love songs to confuse us about love.

And traded in love in exchange for lust and made it our standard!

Women manipulating their men to stop talking to other women. What if you’re not his wife? What did God say? Why do we put these titles on relationships that weren’t meant to last? Then get mad at people. Trying to be their God. Telling them to go left when you, yes you my friend. You know you heard that voice in your head say go right.

Love is patient. I am willing to wait and see if I am the one instead of creating complications by allowing my flesh to choose for me. I don’t have to force commitment in a world when love is supposed to just flow. Like the fluidity of a brush on canvases to create art. Love is like art. It was always designed to make you feel something! Not desire. Feel.

All I know is nothing at all. A series of experiences that have allowed me my own unique outlook on life.

An opportunity to love and receive love from beautiful people.

And that is all this life was ever supposed to be. Love.

So love someone this week. Turn it into a month, and better still make it for lifetimes.

The only one standing in your way of receiving love is you.

So get out your own way!