I was in a relationship with a man who loved me once.
He was a friend before I knew he was into me. So I let my guards down.
See friends were always just that. My longest standing friend has been riding with me for 35 years. Literally. He used to ride my back as a baby. We used to sip lean and blow trees in bathrooms letting Lil Wayne fade into our backgrounds. We even slept in same rooms together. He on the floor. Me, in my XL twin bed.
My dorm roommate didn’t seem to mind.
All these close proximities and we have never so much as held hands. Or seen each other in our swimsuits, let alone anything less.
We have been just friends. Only friends. Integrity.
So friendship was a safe place.
A safe place for love to brew. Seasoned and marinated to perfection like a stew.
He loved me.
Someone recently posted that single people always have something to say about relationships. I do. I’ve done. And at that youngsters age I had a lot going for me. Including a happy relationship with my friend.
We traveled together. Gave expensive gifts. He went from making $6 an hour to $25 in our time span. He became a better man. But I became a better woman!
He once told me.
If you are not happy with me, go. Find your happiness without me. Are you still in love with so & so? Go see of thats what you want. I love you enough to see you happy. Even if that’s without me.
I know love. I had it. I live it. That’s why I recognize the opposite. Or relationships lacking it.
Love does not seek it’s own selfish interest. It does not do, looking for reciprocity. We’ve allowed love songs to confuse us about love.
And traded in love in exchange for lust and made it our standard!
Women manipulating their men to stop talking to other women. What if you’re not his wife? What did God say? Why do we put these titles on relationships that weren’t meant to last? Then get mad at people. Trying to be their God. Telling them to go left when you, yes you my friend. You know you heard that voice in your head say go right.
Love is patient. I am willing to wait and see if I am the one instead of creating complications by allowing my flesh to choose for me. I don’t have to force commitment in a world when love is supposed to just flow. Like the fluidity of a brush on canvases to create art. Love is like art. It was always designed to make you feel something! Not desire. Feel.
All I know is nothing at all. A series of experiences that have allowed me my own unique outlook on life.
An opportunity to love and receive love from beautiful people.
And that is all this life was ever supposed to be. Love.
So love someone this week. Turn it into a month, and better still make it for lifetimes.
The only one standing in your way of receiving love is you.
So get out your own way!