Consistency

I am doing this thing these days. If I start with something I aim to finish it.

Like if I start encouraging a person. I aim to do that thing until God says stop.

Or if I start with this vegan lifestyle, I plan on picking every piece of egg I can find out of the fried rice I forgot to tell them to make without egg.

If I am working on building a better me, then I want to be able to do that consistently. I remember when walking and running miles were my thing. Then I fell off. But consistency would have kept me on.

I need consistency.

I need routine.

I don’t care if you are a consistent shady character.

Just don’t ever change how you treat me.

Until you are ready to come clean about how you been throwing shade and me under the bus. 

I have come to brace myself for certain individuals and their sly comments and almost compliments. 

I have something to look forward to. 

But, I have expectations.

See consistency. That’s all i need.

Someone consistent in their decency.

If someone is going to be in my life they have to consistently be a decent person, with morals and integrity. Trust is such a big thing to me. And if I cannot trust a person they cannot be in my inner circle. 

See consistency is such a tough thing to find these days. 

Then a double minded man is unstable in all his ways.

A couple of weeks ago, I was in the train. A man I had been crazy about for all of 2016 happened to be on the same car as I. We were both so busy in our phones that we didn’t see each other. Or maybe I didn’t see him. Maybe he saw me and had his own private agenda. Because his story of wanting to go to Giordano’s is not adding up when I just looked to see what time they opened today. They open at 11 AM. We were getting off at my stop at a little before ten. He was definitely not about to wait until 11 until they opened up. 

So we were walking. I told him I threw my feelings for him away. 

Buddy was under the impression that all women get hooked on something and will stay. And maybe he thought because I am a nice person who was interested in encouraging him so let the words God has given me to help him on his journey, in addition to my attraction was going to cause me to allow him to mistreat me. Even though he would not give me what I was asking for, he thought I would still be willing to stay around for the foolery.

I am an only child. I enjoy my alone time. I have only ever been in three official relationships, because once I start something I ride that thing until the wheels fall off and even then I am slow coasting on the rims.

So he asked why. I explained that if my feelings were unnecessary and weren’t going to be put to use what use are they. If the feelings weren’t being reciprocated, why hold on. I threw them away. I have no plans to go and find them. 

He began to explain how I come up with all types of conclusions, that aren’t true. 

And the more we talked, I knew my mind wouldn’t be changed. When I am done I am done. Forget everything else. That’s it. That’s why I don’t commit. If I was committed I would have been compelled to try. But no commitment means a towels throw away. 

As our time together progressed he began to ask me for a kiss. 

Not a chance buddy. We are literally fighting for kisses. Me to not give him one, and him to force me into giving him one. 

When I explain to him why he begins to go into details about all the women he is interested in that is not me.

Is that double minded or what? Why would a man be wrestling with a woman he is not interested in?

I need consistency.

I knew he wasn’t consistent. 

Some days I would get texts, some days I would not. 

Some days he was available to talk, some days he was not.

Some days we would speak to each other, some days we would not.

I was so over it.

Consistency is king in the land of confusion. 

Life is too short to not know what you want. Life is to be lived, and what you want shouldn’t change with the current of the wind.

Nope. I want consistency.

See I have a couple of goals. And like Joseph led Mary to a place to birth her promise safely, I need someone who is consistent about listening to God to follow the path we are supposed to take to make that happen.

I know a consistent person will push and motivate me to become my best consistent version of myself, because that is something they have already conquered.

Anything else will quickly get dismissed!

Everything I want is not good for me. So I will consistently stress to myself that I deserve the best life I was placed here to live. And live abundantly. I will live consistently and on purpose. 

Love on time, at the right time and in the right season. Love like a sculpture on the potters wheel. Love like you are willing to conform to a mold that best suits the beauty of this life that you want to hold. Some sculptures, like vases, have a small opening, and some sculptures are wide enough to hold larger pieces on display. 

Whatever you allow love to mold you into, make it the you that has the most to give to the rest of the world!

Spread love. It’s an art. It was never meant to be kept to yourself, because when it’s real you can’t contain it nor hide it. The whole world will know about it!

Protector

I used to listen to Steve Harvey talk about the ways a man will show his interest in a woman. 

Those three things were to provide, profess, and protect.

Protection.

I need a man to hold me down in the areas I can’t when it comes to being safe in this world.

Remember Miss Sophia said the world ain’t safe for a woman child in a house full of men. And here we are in this society full of men who think rape culture is alright. 

She must’ve asked for it, about the woman who said no repeatedly to the man she let in her home just for tea or coffee. 

Remember For Colored Girls? 

Just because I enjoy your company doesn’t mean I want to enjoy your body.

I always had to be tough. Who was there to protect me? 

My father died when I was 15. My stepfather was a joke, and I didn’t meet my brother until I was 26.

Yeah. I don’t think too much about fighting women. We been fought, beat up, abused, mistreated, made to be responsible while the boys got away with bloody murder.

It’s easier for me to forgive the transgressions of a woman than it is for me to not hold a man accountable for his behavior. He was built to lead. And I can’t see letting him fall short of using traits that will make him a better leader. 

I am more mature these days, even at my lowest. But I remember how I was always quick to jump in a dude face screaming, “I fight boys.”

I would’ve, it I had to. Until my momma died. My baby was in my belly and the boy who wanted to fight me wanted to abort the baby in my baby too. Yeah. I just humbled myself.

I don’t keep much beef with my sisters. 

But these guys. The guys Who are supposed to be protecting his sisters. The guys lying on their dipstick just trying to see how many licks it takes to get a chick to drop her guard and let him in. 

Those lying boys.

They love to pretend as if they have gotten notches on their belt, when they have really just gotten dismissed, looked at in contempt like why are you here looking to undress yourself in my space as if I am interested in pursuing you on that level?

Those lying boys. Supposed to be protecting sister girls image. Supposed to be protecting her heart. When they pretend they want anything more than sex they allow a woman’s heart to be unguarded. They are supposed to be protecting her body. Why satisfy your cravings on a woman treating her like a toilet. Just someplace to do your business?

What is wrong with settling down with one woman?

I often wondered.

And then I saw a post. It talked about hazing sin fraternities. It spoke of rituals I would care not to discuss right now. But it caused me to wonder about men and their ability to be with one woman. Does it have anything to do with needing an urge and a craving satisfied that a woman never can?

Is that why my brothers refuse to protect their sisters. Protect their reputations after one  out of character deed, forgetting all the good they did before? Protect their minds by speaking truth to them. Protect their bodies by honoring their no. Protect their hearts by treating them with kindness and dignity?

Who taught black women how to hate themselves. Was it the black man with his love of the exotic features? That same mans’ love of the look of women who have never and may never walk along side them in the struggle? Is that why we compete with each other like crabs in  a barrel. Who has the longest weave, the fairest skin, the most European features is the one who will get chosen by the man who hates himself, and hates his sister in the process.

Brother I needed protection. Ten years ago. On this early morning when I supposed to be headed to school. 

My dreams were left there with the hauntings of a naive, not so innocent, young woman who never knew what being protected felt like. 

There was no savior back then.

But that’s why I love my Savior like I do now.

I used to choose men based on what my physical self told me was good. If he looked good, or smelled good, and did this and that good. Yep, it’s him. He is the one for me. But now a days things are different. If he doesn’t have integrity he is a no go. You remember the traits I discussed in the last blog? Those values would be honesty, loyalty, and moral fibers in his values; now let’s add, and be able to protect me to the growing list. If he doesn’t have those basic things; I am not interested.

I get this. This is not all my brothers. But I have been so bad at making choices, it is hard to be able to discern between what’s real and what’s fake. 

I just dismissed the fake. The fake that got mad at me for not letting him in my home, and not letting him kiss me. 

Nope. No sir. These lips are on reserve for somebody God has deemed worthy. 

The fake that got to spreading vicious rumors about me behind my back, but failed to say a word in my face. The fake that keeps harassing me with his nasty display of indecent behavior by gossiping and repeating secrets I thought I told a friend.

I Guess. My brother became my enemy.

But the Lord is faithful. He will strengthen me and protect me from the evil one. The ones that refuse to become accountable for their behavior. That keep lying to themselves about where their self hate, and hatred of women comes from. The ones that never try to live by the standards they grew up believing in and have let their moral fibers be given over to the enemy they used to sing songs in praises to Jesus to defeat that enemy.

The ones that would rather beat their mother down for being a failure, instead of loving her through her storms and accept her where she is. The one who treats women based on how he feels about the mother that failed them in life.

We are not to blame. And therapy helps us address deep seated hurts that cause us to fail in our interpersonal relationships as adults. 

That mother did the best she can. She probably just wasn’t protected from something that changed the whole course of her life. I know about being that woman. I know about healing from hurt and trauma. I know that it takes a lot of strength to do so. And sometimes it is hard to find that strength while trying to be strong for little people that demand so much.

Those who are critical of others usually have a hard time accepting theirselves. So. Accept you are doing the best you can, as we all are. I am sure my brothers would protect me if they knew better. And when they know better they do better. 

Do better, and be your best. There is a whole world waiting on your greatness. But in the meantime. 

Protect your sister the same way you want someone to protect your daughters and sisters. 

That’s love. So love on purpose. Intentionally. Like in art. It takes time to complete the masterpiece. So take your time to love someone. It is not always easy. But it will always yield fruit, because it is a seed!

Accountability

I will never forget the year I fell in love I with a married man.

He was tall; 6’4, caramel complexion, and so handsome. 

I was walking up to my friends apartment, square in hand, and whatever had me stressed had me smoking the cigarette until the butt. 

He asked for the county short. I looked at him in disdain. I mean what kind of man is trying to shoot his shot at a woman walking in an alley. I immediately discarded him as trash.

But me, forever being nice, and always wanting to give what is asked of me proceeded to walk towards him to give him the short. I figured he had to be going through worse than I was if he needed my short that was nothing meow than fumes really at this point.

He tricked me though. The first time of many. He didn’t want my short, he wanted me to be his shorty. His nucca no matter what as he chose to describe it later as we got closer.

I wasn’t really interested. Especially after he told me he drove a city transit bus. I was too bourgeoisie for that. Bad, and boujee. Especially after he asked me was I a stripper. I already knew what type of man he was; and I had just come back from California visiting PhD programs at Berkeley, Stanford, UCLA, UC Davis, UC Santa Cruz just to name a few. I was being groomed for the life of the upper echelon. My ‘guy’ was working on his Masters. 

No sir. My family lives in the hood. Just because I am a product of the ghetto doesn’t mean I am a ghetto progeny. My story will not end here, and it looks as if you live for the hood.

No and thank you.

But. Life happens. Shifts change, and currents tide. 

My mother as dying of cancer, and my ‘guy’ was being dishonest. Besides, he never told me he was married. What he did tell me I disregarded because he said he wasn’t married.

However, when a year later he did come clean I didn’t leave him all the way alone. I insisted he leave. I insisted he get his own place. I was bossy and demanding. And he did.

Oh the repercussions!

I met an abusive man shortly after that. One that refuses to help raise his child, and quits a job every time child support sends papers. Touché.

I had never been a person who had a hard time finding and keeping love around. After that, however, love always seemed to slip through my fingers. Jobs became hard to come by. I got kicked out of school. The job that was waiting for me after my graduation was forfeited. My mother died. My friends became busy with their own lives. My family couldn’t help. I knew homeless nights a time too many.

And then here comes Jesus.

And then here comes this relationship with my Savior. 

And then here comes repentance, and obedience.

Jobs started lining up, money started rolling in, homelessness is a thing of the past, even after not having an income from my job in almost three months. 

Then here comes a secret desire of mine being fulfilled. Before all the horrors of the year my mother died and cavorting with the married man, I had this amazing boyfriend. One who took me everyplace I wanted to go, bought me everything I thought I wanted, and loved me unconditionally.

And he once took me to see Def Poets on stage.

I wanted to do that. I wanted to share my poetry with people on a big stage. 

But I never told anyone that. 

But one appointment. One meeting with my pastor, and he offered me a spot on the stage.

See my pastor didn’t know me. I hadn’t been recommended to him. But God knew me. He knew my changes had come. He knew I sent the married man home to his wife encouraging him to be true to her and love her like he did when they were teenagers. He knew I blocked all contact, and vowed to never make that mistake again.

He knew I was living a sacrificial life. My God knew this. He recommended me.

And I made a promise. Well not really. I stated some words. I said I was patiently waiting for my husband at the end of that poem.

Lord knows I meant it. But, the way my resistance is set up these days. I fought a good fight. I ran a good race. But someone at my job hindered me. 

Those words became meaningless and futile.

So now the hurt and pain I am suffering letting go of something I was never supposed to grab hold to is a constant  nagging reminder of why obedience is better than sacrifice.

See lack of obedience is why Saul lost his kingdom to David. And David’s taking Uriahs wife is the reason why his child with Bathsheba died, why his son slept with his wives, and why someone was always going to die by the sword in his household.

2 Samuel 12:10,11: 10 From this time on, your family will live by the sword because you have despised me by taking Uriah’s wife to be your own.
11 “This is what the Lord says: Because of what you have done, I will cause your own household to rebel against you. I will give your wives to another man before your very eyes, and he will go to bed with them in public view. 

God holds us accountable for our behaviors. We have to suffer the repercussions of our actions. This is why, i always ask God to show me how to deal with people dealing with hardships. If they are being disciplined by God because of sins against Him who am I to step in the middle of what crooked path God is making straight? If a person is constantly going through the same thing because like Jonah they are running from obedience to God, and I step in to help them, should I be surprised when I am hit because I am blocking Gods hand from hitting them.

God is a God of mercy and grace, when we repent. But he is also the same God who caused the earth to swallow up whole families who were disobedient in the wilderness, even when only one member of the family was guilty.

Guilty by association.

But God was merciful. To David.

1 Samuel 12: 13 Then David confessed to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.”
Nathan replied, “Yes, but the Lord has forgiven you, and you won’t die for this sin. 

I often wondered what was the key to the gospel of Christ.

Acts 8:37!

All I have to do is believe. Believe that Jesus is the Son of God and he died for my sins. Once I believe I know that when I confess my sins they are forgiven, and thrown in the sea of forgiveness. Then I run a race working hard to win no more. 

I hold myself accountable, all while remembering there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. He is my only judge. He judges with grace and mercy. 

So.

We all fall short. A righteous man falls seven times, stands up eight.

Get up. Someone is waiting for you! You did it. But grace, being sufficient, said all is well. We are imperfect beings whose desire to is to serve a perfect God. So go, and be. Become all God called you to be! Because He is the one who authored, and finishes our faith!

Let it be done!

Integrity

I have some big dreams.

My dreams require some places that most people would never be able to enter into.

I need God to help me get there.

How in the world can God entrust me with my big dreams, if I can’t be trusted with some of the smaller things he gives me?

Like, the ability to love the people who have shown love to me. Or, the responsibility to be honest in my intentions towards others? Or, carrying someone’s secrets who came to me in distress and wanted me to hold onto their pain? Or, respecting people.

Sometimes I have a hard time respecting people.

My issues with authority is long standing. My mother always promised me my big mouth would get me into trouble.

And I will never forget. It did. 

2011. I was driving down the block my daughters father liked to smoke on. I saw him, blunt in hand, in the car with his lady, and became livid. Yep. I did my vindicative thing. I called the police. Little did I know the police that came would put me in jail. 

But I was talking. Every time they tried to get me to leave I reminded them I wasn’t going anywhere. I had rights. It was a free country, etc, etc, etc.

I am not easily scared.

When they removed me from the situation and I had to be bonded out of the situation, I wanted so bad to run and tell all my daughters father’s secrets about himself to his face and anyone who would listen. I mean he told a lie, the policeman told a lie, and I had to pay a couple of stacks to a great lawyer to free my name from something that had been made up.

But, integrity.

I recently was close to a young man who enjoyed telling me all the sordid details about his significant other. He also told me all about his friends and their secrets. 

How can a man with no integrity expect to go any place in life?

It doesn’t matter how great a person’s talents are when their moral fibers are few. It doesn’t matter what a person does well when they treat people like trash. That may be why a talented person who has been working at their talents for decades still has shows where no one can sing along with the songs. Or, no one shows up at all. 

Mediocrity at its best. 

Mediocrity and lack of integrity goes hand in hand. 

It’s hard to build a following of people when respecting people is at a minimum. It is hard to be loved by adoring fans when a person is not honest about their motives for another person. Why not be honest about what your purpose is in a persons life?

Who sent you?

I am thankful for every area in my life I fell, I failed, and had to work hard to rebuild. 

Rebuilding teaches humility and with humility comes integrity. 

There are moral principles I live by these days. 

I will not lie to get my way. I will not disrespect those who have been kind, or have come to help me. I will not pretend to be interested in a person’s life just to get them to consume something I have to offer. I will not pretend to love someone just to get their attention when I feel no one else, I want, is giving the attention I want. I will not be disloyal. There will be no talking about the people I am close to when they are not around if I have no intention on telling them how I feel about them when it all cools down for me to share. I will have concern for others. I can’t be a person who is only concerned about what a person can do for me and how they make me feel. I have learned to take responsibility for my personal actions. When does one grow into maturity to hold themselves accountable for behaviors that may have led to discomfort in relationships?

See this last situation God used all types of things to remove me from was something I was never supposed to be involved in, in the first place. I kept letting what I saw get me distracted from faith, which is a substance of the things hoped for and belief in the things UNSEEN. 

For all that is in the world is lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes, and boastful pride of life.

All that character did was talk about himself and his perceived accomplishments. What good is accomplishments if changes aren’t happening around us. We live in a society where everyone is so consumed with themselves. Pause, flash for the click of the pic. Where men need to have a woman that represents everything society says we are supposed to be going for and wonder why our children are failing as a generation killing everything like open season at target practice. It almost seems like Everything has a bullseye on it in Chicago these days. Who is raising the children? 

Are they women and men of value, moral integrity and substance? 

Men in the music world are constantly promoting sex. Women believing they have to be sexy in order to be chosen. Divisions happening between women in competition for what they feel is a valuable man. And men confusing women, and overconsuming product to create bait for women to bite. Who has time to raise the children. Who has time to fill them with moral values? Who has time to show love, when lust and greed are the central and key ingredients to our societies potluck?

See in honesty I can say finally I am single because I never had the closure I needed with my ex. I was too busy lying telling him all we were, was sex partners and that’s all it was about. The truth was, I was head over heels in love with him.

But closure came at A visit to my daughters birthday party. The same man, from back when my then two year old called Dadas, like she never knew her father, walked in the door to say happy birthday, and left with a sense of closure. We made the right choice all those years ago.

See while he was chosen for being one of the most handsome men. His encouraging words built me up. A woman has to be up built by her man in order to be the healing nurturing light the family structure needs to grow. He was let go for his inability to be honest, and communicate with me. He chose to get his information from the woman who called herself my sister but hated me like an enemy. 

I let go then, and where I grew over the last four years in one direction and he grew in another; closing doors to a purpose we chose not to fulfill became the plan for our future.

Integrity. I live to love on purpose. I am not interested in a man who sleeps with women for sport. Who calls women out of their name. I have encountered too many down low men, thank God for the Holy Spirit being a snitch. Men who disrespect any woman is suspect. I am not interested in a man who speaks ill about a woman who carried his seed in her womb for months. I am not interested in a man who is not loyal to his circle of friends. I am not interested in a man who has nothing to offer to his community. And while many other women may be, I have to be honest and show integrity to my needs and the needs I want to meet for my daughter.

And if that means I wait until she is a teenager like my mother did and all the raising has been done so be it. If I teach her sheer drive and determination from the beautiful people God has surrounded us with, I shall. I refuse to settle just to say I have something when that thing does not fit my needs. 

I operate in integrity.

I walk in purpose.

I treasure my moments.

And I love.

I love like splatters of paint on an empty canvas. There is no containing it. And I give it freely. Integrity means I give because that’s who I am. I never expect anything in return. I store treasures in heaven for my God to release to me as he sees fit.

And. His treasures have been abundant these days!

My integrity looks like a sun peeking out of storm clouds letting it’s rays illuminate bleak and drab skies. 

So what does your integrity look like?

Why you hatin’ though? When Love is so necessary

I called my old co-worker the other day.

It really was a business related call. But he and I never kept our relationship professional while we worked together.

And I know the old adage. Don’t make a mess where you eat.

The job I had before taught me that.

Women I tell you.

They will make life difficult for someone when the person they are interested is interested in that someone.

And I used to struggle with humility. The guy everyone wanted always wanted me and I would gloat. Nah.

Nah. Neeeee.

Booboo. Boohoo. Who you?

Yep. Women crying to their friends about how I looked at them cross eyed when I was paying them no attention. Poetically thinking about that funny text the guy they like sent me.

It’s never been personal. I just be me. No holds barred. Men tend to like women who not talking about their “friends” behind their back, then keekeekeeing with them later on.

I’m usually the only woman in a room full of their boys. I hear. Conversations about what women do to push their man away.

Never wanted to be her.

All lonely and bitter. Hating other women. Hating the pretty woman. Hating the woman the guy I like likes. Hating the confidant woman. Using my judgements of others as my excuse as to why I can’t be better.

Man, men can be a trip. Especially when they forget I’m the lone lady in the room listening to how they really feel about the women they’ve been playing for a fool.

So. I digress.

I talk to the unprofessional nurse. Who used to follow behind me in all my rooms. Tall brown and so FINE! In a nursing home of women he was prime picking, with his eyes set on me.

And the way he cared for our residents caught my attention. And the way the other women started rolling their eyes at me kept me in the game of chase.

I mean if you must hate me.

Let’s have a good reason.

But then. My residents started having bowl movements from their feet to their neck. And guess who can’t get out of bed? And guess who sweating and rolling people to change whole linen. And guess who won’t help this CNA in a place where help makes life better. And the other nurses, not understanding why the handsome available nurse would be interested in a CNA, making a little change when the lady nurses were making that paper. They were probably giving the residents stool softener at the beginning of my shift.

It seems like for everyone is a lose lose.

I maintain great friendships with guys. No strings attached. Boundaries set in place and limits intact. My friendliness is not flirting. Nor is it an invitation for someone to get closer. I love to love on people who are not mean to me. So I do.

If I’m friends with someone who likes the guy that’s interested in me, I’ll gladly send him in her direction. Why hold onto what I can’t do anything with?

Now, though. I’m learning teamwork. I’m learning love all over again.

The art of love.

As the Master’s brush strokes against the inside of my heart to create and change mine to clean and one of flesh when it was formerly made of stone. From the inside out. His beautiful splendor touching my mind to help me see things his way.

I used to anticipate the hate coming for just being Radiance. Giving ammunition. But now I seek the whole armor of God. My feet shod with peace. Body armor of righteousness. That means the blows of the enemy are cancelled when I choose to live a righteous life. Doing the right thing. Walking in integrity. Weapons form but they do not prosper, because how can attacks penetrate when I have on the full armor?

See hating my sister is against the grain of what Christ commanded me to do. He said if I love him I’d keep his commandments. And loving my sisters is number two. They have to be a part of that neighbour category.

See when we work together we thrive.

We help each other. I don’t care if it’s helping a sister eat healthy, learn a musical part, distinguish the difference between alto and soprano, work out, clean her space, be a blessing to her. Love is patient and kind. Love keeps no record of wrong. Like you know what a person did, but you don’t hold it against that person for the future. Love is forbearing.

We take offenses. A forgive repeatedly. Last year a sister of mine did something totally hurtful to me instead of just saying, no thank you Radiance I don’t want to go to church with you.

But this year after finally joining the church she was running from last year she invites me to a girl spa weekend in a couple of weeks.

We hugged and she’d a couple of years when we reconnected this past Sunday. She said she had been coming to check looking for me. But I was probably there early in the morning.

Anyway.

We fall short. We forgive. We move on. We become great. Loving and nurturing each other back to life one day at a time. Not leaving a sister behind that wants to stay in the race.

So. Next time you say, uhh unhh I don’t like her. And stay slandering her name to the men folk, women folk, check your heart. Where is this really coming from?

And correct. We never are too late to ask God for forgiveness in the land of the living.

So who you loving, wanna be hugging on today.

Love your sister!

 

Safety in numbers

I almost forgot who I was.

I am Radiance J. But the great I Am had to remind me of who He created me to be.

So. Here it is today I am going through my contacts. One of the women who was a kind older figure of wisdom in my teenage years upon first arriving in Boston, Massachusetts number was popping out at me.

I call.

She answers, and we have a nice chat. I am reminded that I have been a lovable person all my life. Just sometimes situations cause us to mourn and grieve and we can’t be ourselves in a pit of pain.

Anyway, I am thankful.

One of the gems of wisdom that always stood out to me was what she told a group of us young ladies after one came into our department telling us something strange, wild and crazy.

The young woman was tired of her child’s father, who just so happened to have Haitian lineage, cheating on her. This woman who was always giving me wisdom happened to be born in Haiti, so what the young woman shared did not surprise the older woman.

The young lady said that the mans mother told her if she did something in particular, I won’t repeat, to his food he would never be able to leave her.

The older woman agreed. Yes. She began slowly, that will work. However, the relationship will get volatile, you all will hate each other but won’t be able to leave each other. The only way would be through death. One of y’all killing the other.

I never found out if the young woman did it or not. I didn’t care to hear about such things.

I didn’t believe in such, black dark practices at the time. But I kept being exposed to people who practiced.

I always seemed to make friends with my exes, exes. I’m a friendly person and I didn’t have, insecure or jealous tendencies at the time. It must still be that way, because my first loves’ ex is a friend on my social media, and my daughter’s sister’s mom was just recently calling me to vent about our childrens’ father before she decided to take him back. Such is life. I’ve been known to give good advice for those who want a better life.

Anyway I digress. My exes ex. I was probably 22 or 23 at the time. I was living a wild and reckless life. Swerving around Boston’s winding roads and hilly streets, lit up like the fourth of July. But this young lady became my friend.

Her family was not from America. The lived in the West Indies before they moved here and she told me her mother did dark practices against people who did her wrong.

She was a hair dresser.

I still didn’t believe in such things, but since I was away from what I felt was a covering in my religion I never got too close to the girls mom out of fear.

Its sad to believe that people are doing these things out here. They hide in ordinary places, usually getting close to people on a one on one basis to develop a sense of trust. That’s why I have always been careful about who did my hair. It seems like those women hid in beauty shops a lot. Or maybe just in their kitchens doing hair on that one on one basis.

I fought a witch once. God won.

No she didn’t have warts, and a long green face. She was a fairly attractive young lady, or she could appear to be. She was a kitchen beautician. And she wanted to maintain control and manipulation over a man who loved me.

So she got hold of my hair in a melee, of sorts. She knew I wasn’t going to sit in her stylist chair. And after that a lot of unfortunate things began happening to me. My body wasn’t healing in an area the doctor couldn’t explain. I couldn’t get a job. All my life I had always had two and three jobs at once. Now I couldn’t find one. And then. Inside I felt an urge to fast. For a set amount of days. And I did. I didn’t know church. I didn’t know fasting. I didn’t know warfare prayer. But I was desperate. This was in 2011. The year before I would walk away from everything I knew as truth and trust God to reveal himself to me.

I now realize God led me to a spiritual warfare website where I was then taught how to war in prayer against what was happening. I asked though. I wanted to know how to ask God to fix it.

Faith without works is dead. The weapons of my warfare is not carnal, (fleshly). For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but powers, dark forces in the heavenlies.

Anyway. Things started happening I couldn’t explain. The issue with my health was gone on day two, immediately. My daughter’s father was getting in touch with me to mend our broken situation. Now mind you this is after a melee where I ended up knowing what the halls of the county jail look like because of his lies against me. And he had lost his job as a result of my petty, get you back, attitude. Third, the woman they said was doing the black magic against me, her house burned down. And lastly, I got my CDL to began a new life for my daughter and I.

I was driving big bodies. No more broke days. Things were looking brighter.

All I know is my life changed. Because of prayer and fasting.

This was before I even knew what prayer and fasting was.

But faith that God was real. And being willing to listen. To the same voice that had been revealing all the bad stuff to me all my life, and leading me in the direction of exposing lies even in bad relationships, and in finding truth about the world.

I don’t know much.

I do know that men don’t be on a course of loving God, get in a relationship and things change. And they are in a volatile relationship with someone whose heavy weights keep them from loving God the way they use to and its not spiritual.

All I know is that a young woman can’t have fire and zeal for God, let the wrong person play in her head and now she can barely get out of bed to accomplish her assignments. It has to be spiritual.

I know God has a real enemy. Which makes the ones that follow his lead have one too.

God commanded his people not to do some things because he knows that sometimes its easy to follow those who get their results instantaneously as opposed to being patient and waiting on God. So he gave them Deuteronomy 18:9-12
9 When you enter the land the Lord your God is giving you, do not learn to imitate the detestable ways of the nations there. 10 Let no one be found among you who sacrifices their son or daughter in the fire,who practices divination or sorcery,interprets omens, engages in witchcraft, 11 or casts spells, or who is a medium or spiritist or who consults the dead. 12 Anyone who does these things is detestable to the Lord; because of these same detestable practices the Lord your God will drive out those nations before you.

Then He reminded them again.
Leviticus 18:3 You must not do as they do in Egypt, where you used to live, and you must not do as they do in the land of Canaan, where I am bringing you. Do not follow their practices.

I knew a young woman who would go to psychics to get money spells. I wasn’t saved yet, but I just knew God. And I would tell her that sometimes to receive what God has for us we must go through trials. She said she preferred her own ungodly method, that made her miserable all the time, because she didn’t want to wait on God. She really didn’t want to go through trials.

I’ve learned these days to love people from a distance. Especially those who love practices God says are detestable to Him. Like the above mentioned things and Proverbs 6:16.

Nothing personal. I’ve just learned to love Jesus more than anything. So I don’t mind exposing the devils dark practices he uses to pull Gods people away from Him.

So.

That’s my spiel for the night. If you feel like you know someone involved with these dark practices run. Then fast, then pray and find a good bible based church to get close to whomever God is going to put in your life to help you fight this war the enemy of our faith has out on every soul in mankind wanting them to have his hell bound fate as well.

Not everyone looking as if they should be trusted, should be. People take a pretty face and stylish behaviors and become as the devil illuminating himself masquerading as an angel of light. See I am thankful for having been exposed to so many things while in the world. I see what it is. But better than most I can see what it ain’t.

So. If your life is going in a place you can’t understand. Or if you dont understand why you’re in a rut you can invite Jesus into your life.

Simply repenting for your sins. Acknowledging that Jesus died on the cross for yours and my sins. That you accept him as Lord and Savior over your life, and that you want to give your life to Him from this day forth. And things will change. Shift. Get ready.

I would never have imagined my life would ever take a turn for the better. Not the days I was taking too many pills and having charcoal given to me so I could get them out. Or when the acts of violence were happening against me, repeatedly. Losing my mom. Losing my friends and family. Then the war with the witch. I was like will this life ever get better?

Yes! Since I’ve accepted Jesus it has. I am thankful! I hope you find all that you’ve been looking for. It hasn’t all been easy. This walk with Jesus. But life has always been challenging. Now I just have someone who will always be by my side leading me to my best life, because He came so I could have abundant life!!!

Yes Lord. I am so thankful I said yes!

I hope you do as well!

Relationship

Yesterday I had the urge for some home cooked food.
Cabbage, corn bread, candied yams, baked macaroni and cheese, and fried chicken.
People kept on saying I looked as if I couldn’t cook, so I almost believed them. Then I tasted my cooking. Not like it tasted when I was cooking regularly, but, my baby the picky eater ate and enjoyed.
Anyway. I needed to run to the store. It was cold yesterday. I didn’t want to have my baby on the bus, so when I see the sister God has given me walking into church, I let sis know the game plan. My daughter was asking to stay anyway. Sis agreed to keep my bouncing daughter who wanted to stay in church another service while I get dinner started. And I was off.
Fortunately for me I no longer live in a food desert. Food deserts in Chicago are marked by areas that have no grocery stores, but have corner stores and fast food restaurants and that is how the residents usually find ways to nourish their bodies. But without fresh sources of food that is nearly impossible.
Anyway. In a 1.5 mile radius, walking distance for me, there are three Jewel-Oscos, two Whole Foods, two Targets, one Mariano’s, and a Trader Joe’s.
Boo. I got options. Now!
And here I am wondering why I am passing all the stores to get to this one Jewel that keeps popping up in my mind.
And I pass up the fast moving line to get into the slow moving line. Lord! What am I here for. And then I see. One of my daughters trusted babysitters. Smiling. Coming from behind the register to show me love, and I smile. God has a way of doing things when we walk in obedience.
That’s how I met the sister that was keeping my baby at church with her while I made the store run.
Sitting next to a complete stranger, I felt a tug and urge in my spirit to make sure she got to the place she needed to be. That’s been me. Why I drive the bus now, God knew He could trust me back then to get people to their destination, drop them off and keep on moving!
Being a faithful steward over few, yields rewards, like ruler over many.
You’ll never know a persons story until they tell it all.
Anyway. I made sure my sis made it to her destination back then, and she became a blessing to me later, and yet later still.
I could remember starting a new job. A year after we met initially. All the way in Niles, IL. At this time I was living on Chicago Ave, and Austin. If I had to be at work at 6 something, I was out the house walking from Chicago Ave to Lake st, at 2/3am to catch the Madison nightowl bus. From there I could walk to sis house, drop my baby off for her long day, and hop on the bus, a train and another bus.
Mothers do what we have to when we choose not to allow toxic relationships rule our lives.
I did anyway.
Anyway.
Yesterday I told sis that I didn’t want to get her to her destination back then. I didn’t know her. She was a stranger. But I was walking in faith, obedience to a God move, because I knew when He was working in my life. I had already saw the results of listening, and they always were good moves to make.
But it was about relationship.
I had no relationship with this young woman. Too quiet, for my then rowdy nature. Nah. Not really. I just didn’t know her.
Relationship.
I think now to my relationship with the Savior of my soul. Jesus Christ. The Son of God. Who lives in heaven, creating all things as God, and walked the earth as man. Seeing people in a way the Father never would see us, with human emotions, so going to the Father, through the Son as mediator, allows God to understand us better because the Son was once one of us.
Old testament Father God, dealt with his chosen people a lot differently, now that we walk alongside twins Mercy and Grace. Thanks to Jesus. For the perfect sacrifice. For the death on the cross. A perfect sacrifice for imperfect humanity, to redeem our sins.
I once walked the fine line of religiosity. In a religion, whose theology is off, and rhetoric is continuous.
And as much as my spirit wanted to do right, but my flesh couldn’t make the grade, I knew it had to be an easier way.
I didn’t know Jesus.
I knew bible verses. I knew rules. I knew religion.
I did not know Jesus.
I didn’t know his heart. I had a Sadducee and Pharisee mentality. Cruelly looking down on others for their differences. But it was all the people with differences who followed Jesus.
Not having anything to do with people who were unlike me, berating and belittling them like Apostle Paul, because I felt I had the right religion, and they were part of Babylon the great, false religion.
That’s not Jesus’ heart. Not for people. Creator walking with creation, of course his heart with Human emotion went out to those who were hurting, because we have an enemy who, like he did Job, seeks to see us hurt and in pain and turmoil, so we can turn our backs to God.
But Jesus. Opened the door so we can get back close to our Father. So there would be no more need to go through people. No need to see a high priest, a brother, an elder for our sins.

Prayer. Works. And when I ask my Father in prayer to forgive me, he does. Throwing it in a sea of forgetfulness. Not placing my sins on a card to be transferred from state to state, congregation to congregation so my sins will forever follow me via man who has a hard time containing their judgments.

This is the word of God. Not my opinion. Opinions are overrated. Save them for people who care and not many do these days. But word of God.
Study to show thyself approved. Not scriptures to quote before man. Or words to boast of in front of people.
We have one judge. He will return. And his questions and examination is the only one that will matter.
But its about relationship.
Before I had a touch from God on my life I wanted to do my own thing. I didn’t want to drive people I didn’t know places. I wanted to go to stores that were close and convenient for me. I kept my hair , nails and lashes on point, with clothes fly-i-i-i-y, so I didn’t associate with people who weren’t on my level. I did me. Quoting scripture like I had it together, negating that one simple commandment, that comes after love God with all your heart.
Loving my neighbor as myself.
But relationship.
In relationship with Jesus, wanting to have his heart for people. Wanting to love the unlovable. Wanting to encourage those who others shun. Wanting to listen to those others say are crazy, but sometimes people just want to be heard and tell their story.
Sometimes people are sent to us so we can do a work for them from God, because to whom much is given much is required.
Maybe that’s why many are called and few are chosen. Because after people hear the call, they can’t imagine God asking them to make sure a young woman gets a ride to her destination. They are expecting something grandiose. But if we don’t despise the days of humble beginnings, we have an opportunity to make it to greatness!!
I recited a poem for my church’s thanksgiving service. And after I bared my soul in a piece, feeling rather awkward about telling my story in front of a majority, where I had not always felt comfort, it was my sisters smiling face of encouragement that walked with me down a street not really talking about, but just being a source of encouragement.
You never know who God will use to push, motivate and encourage you if you always pushing people away because they don’t fit your mold.
But relationship.
Only God knows the heart, only God knows the plans for our lives.
Hebrews 12:2  looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
No need to pay attention to what comes to distract us all around us. Gods plan. Is the only plan that matters.
And that comes with relationship.
Do you know how to gain, and maintain a relationship with Jesus?
Ask and the door shall be opened!

on marrying mistakes

I’ll never forget the first guy my mother let me date. With my, in my mind from what I could remember, untouched self. And he had a hard time dealing with that. So. Me taking matters into my own hand, I went to Chicago. I got into behaviors I had never known because of poor decisions, and the coercing of someone who I thought had my best interests at heart. Seeing as I had been around her family my whole life, even taking care of her family member. No. I had never had a drink (except for that wine cooler my best friend and I shared when we were 15), a smoke, a cigarette, (we were smoking black and milds) or had even had sex.

I was 18.

Anyway. All that was out the window by the time I came back to Boston. Four months before my 19th birthday.

And the guy I left was hurt. After all he had always told me, some women you sleep with and some women you marry. And he wanted to marry me.

He couldn’t believe I had lost my jewels, my cookies, my nooks, and my crannies.

So he went and got someone pregnant.

I explained to him then you don’t have to marry someone because of circumstances. Marry someone because you love them.

If you want to know why so many loveless marriages exist. Why people are cheating and disregarding their mates feelings? Because they married for circumstances. Some marry for financial help. Some marry to hide a shame or being a parent without a mate.

I wouldn’t do it.

My daughters father was willing. Proposing on a hospital bed sad because I was the only one willing to look out for him in a tough spot as bad as I had been treated throughout my pregnancy.

My aunt told me to wait though. Wait until he was healthy and unbroken.

He had a dream though. One where I was leaving him and he couldn’t run after me to get me. He said he woke up with tears in his eyes. It felt so real.

It happened. I made a choice. He wasn’t able to come after us. And I walked away.

His family calls all his children bad. He was bad, they said. A four year old little boy who once pulled a knife on his sister. The same little boy who got kicked out of all his daycares.

I saw it in my daughter.

As a toddler she would fight anyone and everyone. My grandmother and grandfather included.

We are still a work in progress. Prayer works!!!

But now this little girl tells me her favorite place to be is in Jesus house. She said she won’t love anyone more than God, not even me!

Changes.

But if she had grown up in a house of fighting, screaming, and toxic behaviors, would she be the same girl?

I doubt it.

I believe I would have been so bound by my connection and covenant to someone who had no good intentions towards me that I would have stayed in my spiritually dead state. Maybe even going back to the religion of my youth and staying there, because of not being willing to break away from everything I knew and everything that had been comfortable to me. I mean the way you do one thing is the way you do everything. And if you can’t let go of a person who mistreats you, emotionally, physically, and verbally abuses you, its hard to let go of the ideas one has grown comfortable with about what’s right about life, love and even religion.

I’ll never forget what I told my friend those sixteen years ago. Maybe, if you leave someone you don’t love but care for your child you can be a better parent outside the bad relationship than you can be in it.

He made the choice to stay.

He now lives like he is single.

Maybe I didn’t even know back then that I was advocating for his wife. Because a woman who has to live with a cheating spouse ages, and goes through the terrible trauma of being embittered towards all she encounters, and not trusting anyone enough to even let someone who has love to share come and love the hurting places.

But I didn’t know her.

All I know is bible.

When Abraham got Hagar pregnant he didn’t marry her. He sent her away. She became a threat to his promise.

Abraham didn’t marry his mistake.

So why do we?

I have had this silly notion or idea that even though friends hurt me, because of our history, or the things they did for me I should allow them to remain my friend. When it was a mistake to allow them in my world so close in the first place without seeing who they truly were. I was ready to marry my mistake. Because my mistake was in thinking they had anything but the ill intentions they had for me.

Nope I let people go. If you call yourself my friend, but you dog me out behind my back, or do hurtful things to me and then you start being nice, that’s no better than a DV (domestic violence) relationship. Where he hurts me then comes back with a trinket to buy my forgiveness, and my love.

Sorry. I been a go getter. Since my Jeezy listening days. “Trap all day play all night, this is the life of a go getta” days.

Legitimately. Working two and three job days. You can’t buy me.

So no. You can’t stay.

So why would I marry my mistake. So caught up in the negativity of the mistake that I miss out on the promise God has for me.

I’m not for advocating that men don’t marry the women they get pregnant if they love those women. But if the interaction was a mistake out of lust, and not trusting God, then that’s a decision one must pray about to make sure God is with them in.

Children are never a mistake they are a blessing, and they deserve to grow up in healthy environments and experience loving interactions amongst the adults in that house.

But this goes further than this. What about your ideas about religion, or the bible, or God? If you’re committed and married to an idea about who God the Father is and who Jesus is and who the Holy Spirit is, how can a heart be open to truly knowing for certain? If you don’t have the peace of God and you are praying to him repeatedly. Or you need love and kindness. Or joy, or mildness or self control, any of the fruitages of His Holy Spirit, it may be time to ask Him who He is and to reveal himself to you!

But you have to have a humble heart not holding onto what you think you know, but having a teachable spirit for God to come through and show you.

You don’t have to marry or be committed to your mistake.

We even hold onto the opinions of others based one another’s interaction. Married to a mistake of not getting to know the person on our own. Married to the mistake of not stopping the gossiper in their tracks. Married to the mistake of leaning on our own understanding when the bible tells us not to lean on our own understanding but in everything we do seek Him.

Married to the mistake of thinking that God won’t show us what we need to know and thinking a person is blessed when they act holy in worship, but dogging others out behind their backs.

I have been told, warned really, to be careful of the dog who carries the bone.

But I let go. I have been blessed with the spirit of cutting things, or people off that don’t act kindly towards my daughter or myself.

Yes.

God has someone and somethings that are amazing for you in life. His promises are real. But how will you receive his promises if you are willing to marry your mistakes?

 

Don’t get caught in the friend zone!

Let’s talk about honesty.Honesty and integrity when dealing with others.

Honesty, integrity, and loyalty when dealing with the opposite sex.

I watch people who claim to be or have a best friend get little ( be gone) when the friends new love interest comes around. This goes for those who call people brothers/sisters, cousins, or whatever because of not having courage. Or rather the humility to let someone know you are interested. 

What if they don’t share the same interest. What if they tell someone.

So what?

It’s life. Live it without regrets. And pray for discernment that you are interested in a person who knows how to be discreet. And reflects the discretion you carry within yourself. 

Remember we are a reflection of the things we are attracted to.

I mean all I’m saying is don’t get friend zoned.

I had a best friend turned boyfriend once. The longest relationship I was ever in. There was no fighting. There was mutual respect and understanding. There was love. Because love built on trust and respect turns into something greater.

But he didn’t operate in deceit. He didn’t like me in the beginning. It took a transformation (of mine), and a sweet potato pie for his birthday before he became interested. But as soon as I felt the shift he told me, he didn’t wait and act in cowardice. See before hand he listened to me talk about the guy I was interested in. Quietly. Giving good advice. And even after we got together and I was confused about whether I should choose him or the one I had been dating, he was willing to take a step back and let me pursue the other relationship because his love for me was unconditional. Not based on what I had to give him, or what he wanted to gain.

See I have had people play the friend role, then slip in outings that they secretly calling dates. And then give me the googly eyes.

We are friends. Stop it.

Be bold enough to state your intentions so I can let you know early that’s not how I feel, or maybe it is.

But I’m usually bold and blunt. I won’t pretend to be someone’s friend when I am interested. I don’t want to hear about your love interests and I’ll tell you why. 

Because if I was your girlfriend…

Someone got mad at me. He could no longer carry out his role as my friend because when he had the chance to tell me he was interested someone else was showing it. 

Someone is always interested. Someone is always calling. 

I get to choose who. 

Who will be the best fit for my daughter and I. Because she’s just as much a part of the equation as I am.

Anyway. Someone else saw what Common says in his song The Light. It don’t take a whole day to recognize sunshine. I opened up. I blossomed. And he decided to pursue something. And my friend got mad. Couldn’t even be a friend when I got hurt in the situation. But had he been honest and let me know he was interested, instead of constantly talking about the guy that was for me, he would have had the opportunity to see if I could’ve been the one.

But. Loyalty is everything. And a person that turns their back on me in my time of need when I have done nothing to physically or verbally hurt them, has shown their true colors and for that I am thankful.

So. Maybe my sisters have made this too easy for men. 

Always throwing themselves at them. Turning our backs on each other or cattily in our interactions with one another for the affection of a man. Throwing one another under the bus to make ourselves look as if we shining in there spotlight when we see his eyes connecting dots with another woman. Or tearing her name down hoping she wi be like Eve manipulating that man to see things her way when she needs to be pointing him to God, asking God to order his steps and praying. So now brothers don’t know how to pursue a lady. They don’t know how to act around a lady. A woman who won’t pursue a man. A woman who will be wooed, pursued, and courted. 

Whatever my past contained it did not contain me running behind a man, trying to make him love me when he wanted to be somewhere else. Talking bad about another sister that may have been a good for for him. Because anyone knows if a man choose someone that’s not a good fit he will eventually make ways to get out of her way and go back to pursue what he wanted in the jest place before being blind sighted and deceived. My thoughts are; If you want someone else go. I know my worth enough to know you’ll probably be back here like a few others have been crying for me to give you another chance. But. IT’s all in how one ends a thing. How much integrity does one operate in?

I believe a man should be a man. He should make choices. He should pursue. But women that make themselves so available playing the friend role, sister role, or whatever role waiting for vulnerability doesn’t let that man do what he needs to do as a man, which is take a stand, a choose what he wants. Not just what had been made easy for him.

So. Friends. Don’t get zoned. Level out your clear intentions so both people can feel safe in the interaction. 

It’s all in the name and sake of love!

Because we can’t build up our community until we first build up our family structure!

Brand new mercies, my cup is filling!

My job had been to get people to their destination.

For the past few months I have been driving down one of the roughest streets on the west side of Chicago, affectionately coined Chi-raq by someone, and made famous by Spike Lee, for ten and a half hours on Sunday. Times I have wanted to be in church. But I have been, mostly, faithful in getting up for 7:30 AM service. Singing with the choir, going back home to get a nap before starting my shift at 2:46 which ended at 1:55 am. 
God has been faithful, even though I haven’t always been.

Who I was and who I am is two different people, but because of that I take heart in being a servant. By serving Gods people I serve him. And getting people to their destination is a blessing. I love to hear the stories of happy healthy lives free from toxic people after God has used me in some way form or fashion. Seeing Him work in the lives of others builds my faith!

So. 

I have been driving this bus. But before I was driving a bus I had been encouraging friends off floors with suicide letters tucked away. I have been giving my last to make sure friends got where God intended for them to be so they could experience the best lives ever. I have used the word of God, the Bible, to encourage and upbuild hurting people from near lifeless situations. And I never needed the applause. I never speak of the homeless I feed. Or the clothes I give away. When I do I do to receive a reward in heaven. Man is fickle. One minute they love you. The next they turning the people you thought you needed away from you.

It’s all about hearing God say, well done my good and FAITHFUL servant. 

I just want to be like him. A reflection of him. In my dealings with others. Because where I haven’t always been this Radiance, I am thankful for knowing who and what I was a capable of being so I can forever be grateful to God for seeing something in me to use me. For giving me not just material needs but blessing me with peace, love, joy, and a little bit of kindness in the mix. 

God was thinking of me when he saw I was once a dishonorable vessel used by our great enemy to bring turmoil and distress in other people’s lives. But God! Cleaned me up: got the hatred, anger, envy, bitterness, greed, deceitfulness, fighting, confrontationalism, and the list goes on out of me. He poured all that out my cup. So he could break me to remake me In order to fill up my cup with goodness.

So many times we forget how gracious God had been to us. How merciful he has been. When we have been caught up in wickedness. How he covered over our sins. But some are quick to point at others transgressions. You can’t take the splinter out of my eye with a tree in yours. Your vision is distorted. 
So God reminded me!

Matthew 18:32 Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. 33 Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’ 34 Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt.
35 “That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart.” 

 

I get to forgive! Because I know what it’s like to be in the wrong and God still loving me, using me, blessing me, and forgiving me!

So. Next time you see fit to remind someone of a past thing. Or something someone else has done to offend you. Don’t worry about the perks. You’re trying to hurt. God is watching. He is remembering. He knows what you ask for. He is the one with mercy and grace to give. And he is watching is all.

So for that I am thankful. No more needing to defend myself! God been fighting for me. And He will fight for you too. Forgiving you too. As long as you remember that mercy we give is an extension of what has been given us.

And I remember so I never again have to forget.